Invasion of Astro(Van)-Monster (1965)

A brief glance at the map the following day showed us that the town of Roswell lay (in)directly in our path to Dallas. Having been reared on the myths and legends of the Roswell alien crash site, this was too good an an opportunity to miss. We used the remainder of our tin foil to fashion anti-alien mind control helmets, plugged in the vector co-ordinates (GPS destination), locked in auxiliary power (mountain dew), and set off at light-speed (55 mph) down the highway.

On the way we came across an eerily deserted town. Naturally, we stopped and got some sick photos, speculating as to whether the town's inhabitants had been abducted en-masse. We hit the road again, conscious of getting to our destination by our planned 'E.T' (A) (1982). 

 With our eyes constantly scanning the skies for an inevitable 'U.F.O' (1970-71) sighting, we exited hyperspace in sector 4 and entered Roswell. The same generic strip malls we'd seen a million times greeted us, but this time the 'Signs' (2002) all featured an 'Alien' (1979) theme (including a flying saucer shaped McDonalds). The truth is that Roswell is just like any other small anonymous town in the US, but the world-renowned 1940's incident has sustained a faltering economy based around 'Little Green Men' (In production 2011). We set Spot down at a suitable landing location and set out on foot to boldly explore the town's (Space, the...) final frontier.

Being drawn in like a tractor beam, towards a big fluffy dog, we ended having 'Close Encounters' (1977) with a couple who were on  similar voyage to us - joined by companions of another 'Species' (1995) (their two huskies) they had embarked on a journey into the unknown (from Atlanta to New Mexico). Before they left to complete their (Star) Trek, they imparted on us the Yoda-like wisdom: "The journey is the destination". These were like-minded travelers.

After a stroll down the high street, marveling at the home-made alien themed window displays, we came across the epicentre of the town: The Roswell UFO Museum and "Research Center" (punctuation author's own).

We were welcomed by a member of staff who we suspected had been a victim of one too many alien abductions, and wandered past a Blue-Peter style papier-mache UFO crash site into the exhibition. The museum unfortunately summed up the sad state of the town; a 'Communion' (1989) of enthusiasts had assembled a sorry display of "evidence" from the alien crash incident (including bits of tin foil) which left two former eager alien believers (us) dismissing the idea outright. Tom was outraged that the graphic design of the museum had undermined such an exciting topic, but Mike calmed him, reassuring him that it was nothing Major, Tom. (pun) The gift shop however did give us the opportunity to top up our dwindling supply with some genuine alien incense. It smelled awful.

Mike attempts to explain to the CIA that its just Tom with a hangover.

Before this, Mike believed.

fine art

We cut our losses and headed out to the town's 'Outer Limits' (1995-2002) in search of accommodation. Unbeknownst to us, we were about to stumble across a real gem. With military precision, we launched into the well drilled routine of motel hunting, and our senses lead us like a 'Predator' (1987) to its prey to the local Motel 6. We were greeted by a blast of welcoming enthusiasm by the entire dark-uniformed staff behind the desk, who were visibly delighted by the presence of some outsiders. One of the 'Men in Black' (1997), Paul was so excited that he abandoned his reception post to give us a guided tour of his hog. Despite the late hour and OAP staying in the adjacent room, he fired up the retro Harley's behemoth engine and gunned the throttle, letting out a gut-busting roar of power. 

With 'First Contact' (1996) established, we attempted the same feat with Spot but the effect wasn't quite as impressive. We returned to our quarters reflecting on some of the friendliest beings we'd encountered along the way, and flicked on the TV for a rare moment of down time. Unbelievably the screen was instantly filled with a documentary on alien encounters - we nervously eyed the dark Roswell 'Skyline' (2010) through half-open window and drifted off into a disturbing dream filled sleep. 

Paul and Hog

We awoke the next morning having survived the night un-probed, and left the town on a 'Roswell High' (1999-2002).